I've been quiet these past couple of weeks due to life being life. My grandfather passed away January 26, 2014 and here are my thoughts of my life from the moment he went into the Hospice House January 22 till now.
I found out that my grandfather went into the Hospice House on Wednesday (1-26). I was working on homework for my Biological Archaeology class. I found really quickly that it is difficult to write critical summaries for academic journal articles, when the reality of my grandfather dying was sinking in. I had too many things starting to run through my head.
This is the point when the continuous prayer in my mind began. Throughout the rest of this blog post the prayers will be written like this: God, please make Papa as comfortable as possible during this time.
My family and I found out that he was dying from Liver Cancer in September 2013. In October 2013 my daughter Erica, one of my best friend's Kat, and I went on a road trip to see him one more time before his passing.
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| My Daughter Erica with her Great-Grand Father Howard Johnson |
Since Erica has become a thought to my family. I have called my grandparents on a weekly basis. Every time I would call, if my Papa was awake I would give him an "Erica Update." He loved his great-grand-daughter with all his heart.
So flash forward to the week of finding out this was the end for my grandfather. I was about to go to my college classes that Thursday (1-23) and really did not know how to focus on my class work. My father was playing the idea of going to see him in hospice.
Please, let me go to see him before he leaves. I need to see him before he leaves. I feel it in my bones that if we go down, he will die soon afterwards.
By the end of the day the decision of going happened. My Dad and I let for Florida that Friday at midnight. From Atlanta to Tampa Bay it is roughly an eight hour drive. All the angels in this world please keep my dad, myself, and this car we are driving safe on our trip. I'm glad I went with my dad because I drove when he needed the rest. I got to show up as a road buddy for him when he needed it the most.
When we arrived I changed clothes and went straight to the Hospice House. I did not prepare myself enough for what I saw. Now from me to you, I am not going to go into details. All I can tell you is this: "When you go to Hospice for someone, they do not look like the person you knew. And to be honest, I do not think you can ever be fully prepared for what you see."
Please let him die quickly and peacefully. I have never wished death on anyone, but I want him to transition to the other side quickly.
I am not trying to make a huge political statement. I just saw that there really was nothing left for my grandfather except tell him that I loved him, kiss him on the forehead, and watch him pass onto the next stage of life. And that is what I did.
That Saturday and Sunday I gave him a final in person Erica Update. I did crossword puzzles with him. Took a nap in the room with him. And I told him good-bye. I told him it was ok to die. That we are all taken care of here on this physical plane.
Please let this be quick and peaceful. Please tell me that he hears us and knows that it's ok to let go of this physical world and move on to the next stage.
On Sunday (1-26) I came to terms with trying a praying ritual to see if I could help push him to the other side. Around 1400 hours that afternoon I burned a black candle with the intent of "Letting Go" with a Rose Quartz and Blue Lace Agate crystal grid around the candle.
Later that night I did the second half of the ritual which was a white candle with the intent of "Acceptance." During the time of the candle burning the flame started to flicker for about ten minutes. Five minutes after it stopped flickering, I was given my cousin's phone and told by my father that his dad had passed on.
I was relieved, elated, and could finally take a deep breath since I arrived there.
I learned in that moment, in my bones that there is truly more to life than the physical world. When someone leaved this physical form it is not the end, it is part of the cycle of our essence.
Thank you for reading this, please comment. And as always, Blessed Be
~Lindsay
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